He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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