I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
she peed on how many people?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
