i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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