Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
