Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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