My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
