dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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