Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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