just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
