why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
