I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
