it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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