ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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