haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize