How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
