They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
