No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
it was like having sex with a tree stump
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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