I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
