I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Randomize
