i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
