Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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