listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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