Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
