I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
