so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
