That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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