Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize