I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize