my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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