i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
