my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
