They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
