More tranny stories later!
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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