I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
