I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
