Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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