Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
