Please, let me fuck your mom
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
They have beer where we have blood.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
