areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
