Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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