he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
