where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
