I can tuck mytits in my pants
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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