Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
