Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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