From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
