You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I supernannyed him into submission
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
