Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
