we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
