i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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