this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
