i think my tv is drunk
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
