I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
