This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
