Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
