I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
