he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
