just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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