Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
